Robservations for February 13, 2020

13 Feb

I am really finding myself becoming more and more of a hermit. My life with The Valley Peak used to be really getting out into the community and participating in every-thing possible. It was an amazing way to live my life and I have been so blessed to be able to do that. What an incredible way to get to know a community and have you get to know me.

Since my illnesses have come into play, this has really changed. I find myself really isolated during dialysis for hours at a time and that gives my brain too much time on its own. Way too much.

I often get into a self-pity mode that brings on a bit of bitterness. It is a lonely time and instead of just accepting it as my life I wonder where everyone has gone. Most of those folks that I used to visit are now non-existent in my world and that hurts my brain.

I could fill a page of this paper with a list of people who have said they will come by someday but never have. I wish they understood how much sadness that causes me. A world full of empty promises.

So with my bitterness I find myself just staying at home a lot with my free time. I am just not that pleasant to be around anymore. I have been at this nearly a year now, putting me in a hospital bed for the equivalent of 90 full days and I am very grateful to those folks who have helped me through those 90 days.