A bit of self-realization never really hurt anyone. It hurts at first but eventually we figure it out. I have a lot going on in my life and in my brain so it is tough to get through to it sometimes.
I am two different people, at least two. I see the importance of being kind and sup-porting people and do my best to follow that plan. I enjoy making a tiny difference in the days of others. It is a good way to live and I do my best with what little I have to offer. Just taking the time to care seems to make a difference.
So a lot of the public see this happy, caring guy, always trying to say ‘Hi’ to everyone and that sort of thing.
But my poor friends have seen a different Rob. They are the ones that have to hear me talk about how I am actually feeling, physically and mentally. They hear sentences like, “I hate my life.” It has worn them down enough that I am not who they really feel like hanging out with. I am not adding much joy, just negative energy.
Do I hate my life? Well not really. I don’t like that it is very different now and I can’t change that. I dislike that I have such low energy and drive and that I am busy doing medical stuff constantly.
But there are so many things that I do love and I try to fill my time with as much of that stuff as possible. I just wish for more.